Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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