Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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