we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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