I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
