Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Semen is not good for contacts.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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