Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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