My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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