nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
