if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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