You're completely useless in the revolution.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
