Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
