I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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