i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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