Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
