Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
