I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your penis caused this!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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