....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
