I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
