i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
