Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
