addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
