I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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