what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
