im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
