You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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