you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
