bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
