sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
