So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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