Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
