My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everything about him screamed your future.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
