hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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