If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
