my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
