Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
