What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
