I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
