Do you still have your period?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
