Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
