Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
