just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
