She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
