i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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