ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
