The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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