I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
