U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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