Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
