Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
