I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
