She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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