just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
