i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
