I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
