So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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