I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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