a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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