Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
