Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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