I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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