I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
