It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
