i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
