I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
