you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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